Why Making Simple Decisions Can Feel Exhausting When You're Anxious
By Destina Rekeweg, LMHC - Unwilted Counseling, Fort Wayne, IN
Key Takeaways
Decision fatigue and anxiety often go together, an anxious brain can treat a small, low-stakes choice with the same intensity as a major one.
This isn't about being indecisive by nature; it's about the brain overestimating how much a choice actually matters.
Overthinking a decision rarely makes it more correct, it usually just delays the discomfort of choosing.
Learning to tolerate an imperfect decision is often more useful than learning to make a "better" one.
Short answer: If choosing what to eat, what to wear, or how to word a text message leaves you mentally drained, that's a common effect of anxiety, not a flaw in your decision-making ability. Decision fatigue and anxiety compound each other, anxiety inflates the perceived stakes of a choice, and the brain then spends real energy trying to find a "safe" answer to a question that usually doesn't have one.
Quick Self-Check
Ask: Do I spend more time deciding than the decision actually deserves? Does choosing wrong feel like it would be a bigger deal than it probably would be? Do I feel relief once someone else decides for me, even for something small? If yes, anxiety is likely driving the exhaustion, not the decision itself.
Understanding Why Small Decisions Feel So Heavy
Why Anxious Brains Treat Small Decisions Like Big Ones
Anxiety works by scanning for potential threats and then treating uncertain outcomes as more dangerous than they usually are. A decision, any decision, involves uncertainty by definition, since the outcome isn't known in advance.
For an anxious brain, that uncertainty alone can be enough to trigger the same threat-response machinery used for genuinely high-stakes situations, regardless of whether the actual decision is what to order for lunch or something that truly matters. The brain isn't measuring the real size of the stakes accurately; it's reacting to the presence of uncertainty itself.
Signs This Is More Than Indecisiveness
Spending far more time on a decision than its actual importance would justify
Feeling physically drained or on edge after making choices that shouldn't require much effort
Replaying small decisions after they're made, wondering if the other option would have been better
Avoiding decisions altogether, or deferring them to someone else whenever possible
A racing or looping quality to the thinking, rather than a simple weighing of options
Relief, rather than mild annoyance, when a decision gets taken out of your hands
Decision Fatigue vs. Anxious Decision Paralysis
Ordinary Decision Fatigue | Anxious Decision Paralysis |
Builds up after many decisions in a row | Can happen with a single low-stakes choice |
Resolves with rest | Persists even after a break, since the fear drives it, not tiredness |
Choosing "wrong" feels mildly annoying | Choosing "wrong" feels disproportionately threatening |
Decision-making feels effortful but manageable | Decision-making can feel genuinely overwhelming or stuck |
Common Decisions That Trigger This
What to eat, wear, or order, choices with little objective stakes but many available options
How to word a text or email, out of fear of it being misread
Small social plans, where to meet, what to suggest, out of fear of inconveniencing someone
Minor purchases, where "making the wrong choice" feels like it reflects something bigger about judgment
Any decision where there's no clearly "correct" answer, since the lack of a right answer removes the usual anchor anxious thinking looks for
Where the Fear of the "Wrong" Choice Comes From
This pattern often connects to perfectionism, a belief, sometimes unconscious, that there's a single correct choice in every situation, and that finding it is both possible and necessary.
When that belief meets everyday decisions that genuinely don't have a single right answer, the result is a search that can't actually succeed, which keeps the brain stuck evaluating options rather than settling on one.
For some people, this traces back to an environment where mistakes, even small ones, brought outsized reactions, teaching the nervous system that getting it "right" matters more than it typically does.
What to Actually Do About It
A Few Ways to Make Decisions Easier
Set a time limit before you start - deciding in advance how long a choice deserves prevents the open-ended spiral that makes small decisions drag on
Ask whether this decision is reversible - most everyday choices can be changed or corrected later, which lowers the actual stakes considerably once named out loud
Pick "good enough" over "correct" - most decisions don't have one right answer, only different reasonable ones
Notice the bodily signs of overthinking - tension, a looping quality to the thoughts, and treat that as a cue to choose rather than to keep deliberating
Practice on purpose - deliberately making small, lower-stakes decisions quickly builds tolerance for the discomfort of choosing without full certainty
What Tends to Get in the Way
Researching a low-stakes decision as though it were a major one
Asking multiple people for input in hopes someone will remove the uncertainty entirely
Treating "I made the wrong choice" as proof of poor judgment rather than ordinary, expected variance
Avoiding the decision until someone else makes it instead, which reinforces the belief that you can't be trusted to choose
A Note for Parents
If your teen seems to agonize over decisions that look minor from the outside, resist the instinct to just make the choice for them, even though it would be faster. Try instead: "What would happen if you picked the 'wrong' one?" Walking through the actual, usually mild, consequences out loud helps build the muscle of tolerating uncertainty, rather than removing the need to practice it.
How Counseling Can Help
Counseling for this pattern focuses less on "better decision-making skills" and more on reducing the anxiety that inflates the stakes of ordinary choices in the first place. This usually falls under anxiety & depression therapy, and when perfectionism is a central driver, it often pairs with self-esteem and identity counseling, since the fear of choosing "wrong" is frequently tied to a deeper fear about being seen as careless or incapable.
What Does Counseling Cost?
Unwilted Counseling is a private-pay practice, so treatment is shaped by what a client actually needs rather than by what an insurance plan is willing to approve. Current rates and what a first session looks like are listed on the FAQs page, and cost is a fair thing to bring up during a free consultation.
How Unwilted Counseling Can Help
Unwilted Counseling works with teens and young adults in Fort Wayne, Indiana (ages 13–25) who find even ordinary decisions mentally exhausting. Sessions work on the anxiety underneath the overthinking, not just the decisions themselves.
In-Person and Online Counseling
Sessions are available in the Fort Wayne office or through secure online counseling, whichever fits a given schedule or comfort level better. Both options follow the same clinical approach and the same private-pay confidentiality.
About Destina
Destina Rekeweg, LMHC, is the founder of Unwilted Counseling in Fort Wayne, Indiana, working exclusively with teens and young adults ages 13–25 on anxiety, perfectionism, and patterns like decision paralysis that can make everyday life feel more draining than it needs to. She offers both in-person and online sessions.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do small decisions feel so exhausting to me?
Anxiety can make uncertain outcomes feel more threatening than they actually are, regardless of how small the decision is. The brain spends real effort trying to find a "safe" answer, which is draining even for genuinely minor choices.
Is this the same as being indecisive?
Not quite. Ordinary indecisiveness is usually about weighing preferences; this pattern is driven by fear of a wrong choice feeling threatening, which keeps the decision-making process stuck rather than simply slow.
Why does overthinking a decision not actually make it better?
Most everyday decisions don't have one objectively correct answer, so more analysis doesn't produce more certainty, it usually just extends the discomfort of choosing without resolving it.
Is decision paralysis connected to perfectionism?
Often, yes. A belief that there's always a single "right" choice, and that finding it is necessary, can turn ordinary decisions into an unresolvable search, especially when most decisions don't actually have one correct answer.
How do I stop asking other people to decide for me?
Practicing smaller, lower-stakes decisions on your own, and getting comfortable with the mild discomfort of an imperfect choice, tends to build tolerance over time more effectively than avoiding the practice altogether.
Can counseling help even if my anxiety doesn't feel "serious"?
Yes. This pattern doesn't need to be severe to be worth addressing, many people seek support simply because decision fatigue is affecting their daily energy and quality of life.
Does Unwilted Counseling take insurance?
Unwilted Counseling is a private-pay practice. Reach out directly or check the FAQs page for current rates and payment options.
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